(November ‘95/#15)

Some people never get it right. Take, for instance, the sad tale of my errant son. Aaron is a 2nd degree black belt trained by myself, but with all the hard work I put into his training he never seems to get it right!

One day he was walking down Vermont in LA on his way to work. He was dressed in a suit and it was 8:30 on a bright morning. Two fellows started insulting him as he passed a hamburger stand.

Doggone it, can you imagine walking down a street in LA like you didn’t have a care in the world?

‘Got the time?’ asked the first.

‘Got some change?’ asked the second.

‘Faggot!’ called the First.

Doggone it, I told him to avoid bad situations!

‘Hey,’ said my son to the two fellows, both of which were taller and outweighed him. ‘leave me alone.’

Doggone it, I told him never to start trouble!

Suddenly one of the fellows jumped up on a low fence and leaped at him. Aaron stepped back and, when the fellow began to straighten up from the crouch he had landed in Aaron delivered a front snap kick to the face.

Doggone it, I told him low kicks were safer!

The fellow arced up and back about ten feet. He hit a parking meter pole with the back of his head, which meter bent six inches out of true.

Doggone it, I told Aaron not to destroy city property!

The other fellow took advantage of the moment and grabbed Aaron by the shoulder and began to spin him around so as to hit him in the face with a fist that was already cocked back and starting to launch.

Doggone it, I told him not to let people manhandle him!

Aaron spun under the punch and under the grabbing arm.

Doggone it, I told him to go in the direction of the punch, not into it!

He applied an armlock and began to knee the fellow in the face.

Doggone it, I told him to break and throw!

When the fellow finally fell Aaron let him fall and stepped on his head, then he looked around. The first fellow was up and wobbling towards him. He had a dazed look on his face, but he tried to punch Aaron anyway.

Aaron did a high block and a punch, which punch left a couple of cuts on his knuckles.

Doggone it, I told him to be careful when hitting somebody in the face!

Looking around Aaron realized that both attackers were unconscious and bleeding. Cars passed by without a horn honk. Nobody stopped to help or even see what was happening. Apparently there hadn’t been time for anybody to stop because the whole thing had taken place in approximately five to ten seconds. Realizing that the affair was over Aaron quickly began walking down the street.

Doggone it, leaving the scene of a crime!

That night Aaron apologized to me for abusing his art.

Well, I guess it’s allright. But just this once!

Monster Martial Arts